True Beauty In Life: Random sadness

To my baby girl Kathryn!!!

Kathryn, If I had to describe you in 3 words it would be fUnNy, CuT3, CrAzIi, Your adorable, we became like best friends thru facebook and we now can't stop talking to each other <3 your my other new best friend we connected the first day we started talking and you make me smile each day and everyday we talk and I love the fact that you make me smile either way we can't see each other! You fun to talk to, we hold GREAT conversations and they are VERY interesting ha! but you make feel special. And I believe that we would be best friends till each and one of our lives is over with! xoxoxo By: ShElBiE SeArS <3

A letter to Brittany!

I see that, but everyday has it's faults. look past them. I know you move a lot. And I know that it always hurts. But remember the good not the bad, Think of the positive, not the negative. So what if you have to share a room with Cort! And Maybe you won't be able to have Shelbie. But memories, are what hold us together in the end. You are a surviver, girl. you will survive, no matter what!! You always have, and you always will. Never forget that. We, I, love you! and We will never let you go! =) Just enjoy where life takes you. And use it to make yourself, and the world a better place, I love you Brittany! =)

Well, Hello There,

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I'm Kat, Please enjoy my blog, and leave me a lot of comments!!!!

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"My body isn't perfect. I don't walk with confidence. I get into fights with my parents and friends. Some nights I'd rather be by myself than out partying. I cry over the smallest things sometimes. There are days that I get through forced smiles and fake laughs. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things are okay when they're not. I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful. I don't look as good in real life as I do in pictures. There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep. I constantly think I'm not good enough. I'm imperfect, but I'm perfectly me."

Monday, January 3, 2011

Random sadness

While sitting here, I started to wonder. Wonder about my life, your life, our life. And it got me thinking. What would life have been like if you had not stayed. If you had reacted like most other teenage boys, and ran. Where would I be now, where would you be now, where would our son be?
I can't help but think of the horrible things that could have happened. I could have gotten scared, and... I don't know. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't want this baby.
I just honestly could not imagine life without the two of you. When I wake up, your the first thing I want to see, and when I go to sleep, you two are the last things that I want to see. My eyes are always open, wondering, "When I blink, will they still be there?" I don't want to wake up and find that you both are a dream! I would not be able to survive.
How is it people can wake up, from a lifetime of memories and come to realize, it was all a dream? None of it really ever happened. How do you go on after that? How? I guess That is where God would take over. You would have to put EVERYTHING in the bowel. You would have to give him EVERYTHING. Your heart your soul and your mind. Or there is no way you would survive that. I want, so very bad to sleep, but what if I awake and your gone??

Dear God,
   Keep your eyes open, don't let life change.
Keep my family safe, while i sleep, and I will do
the same. Give me courage, to walk with my
head up high. And to walk a strait path. Don't let
The road ahead be filled with demons, but with
Angels, holding my hand, every step of the way.
Help me lead my family to you, and keep them
safe.
   Sincerely,
   Kat!

I know that nothing that I am saying, is making any since. I can't sleep, though, so I figured I would write. Write what was on my mind. And there is so much on my mind. That is the reason that this blog post is going so may places at once.

I do fear, everyday that I am living a dream. I don't want to loose the life that I have. My son, my fiancée, my friends, and my family! I could not imagine a world without them. But, what if I awake, and I'm not even me at all. What if I am a 40 year old bitter man, with no family, living on a life support system. What if that happens to me? What am I to do then? A life change like that would probably kill me. But what would kill me the most, is if I woke up, to everything the same, but to realize that, I was dreaming, and Daniel nor Michael ever existed. I could not, nor would I want to, Live any longer! Life at that point would be useless... To dream up a family, oh how it must hurt to awake from that.... It's a sad thing.

Well Guys, I'm Going To Try To Get Some Sleep Now, Michael has stopped vomiting for now. Thank god for that!

New posts up tomorrow =)

Goodnight my faithful followers! =)

I love you! =)