Forgive

I remember a post that I posted a while back, it's been almost two years now. I posted about how I was afraid I may just be dreaming, and that my life may not actually be what i think it is. How I was afraid to wake up and realize that, all the things I had always known weren't really there. 
I think about that post a lot, now. Knowing what I would lose haunts me. I have more now than I ever have and it would rip my heart out if I were to lose it. I love my children, and my boyfriend. I love my family, both of my families. I couldn't image a world in which none of them were in it, or even a world where only one was taken away. Life just would  no longer be complete. I dread the day that I will lose them, or they will lose me because I know how hard it will be. Life won't be the same, for any of us. 

(When i was younger i used to write quite a lot. The adults around me told me it was a 'gift' but, sometimes I think of it as a curse. I have to write everything down, or my head would probably explode. I have so much to say, but I can only speak so much. That's why I write. I've never been able to do much of anything else, I guess I get that from my father. He is a brilliant man, with a broad vocabulary and a gift for writing as well. I should thank him for that. Dad never gave me much, but what he did give me will empower me to be the best I can be. We strive for it all, and do not stop until we have reached our goals.. I think the family is what held dad back so much. I honestly do not remember him being around much when I was a child due to him working such long hours. He missed out on a great deal of my childhood and I believe he regrets that now. As much hell as I give him, I do still love him, I just.... I still blame him for the way life turned out. 

You have to understand that in the ind of a child, things are jumbled up quite a bit... It would be like taking a jig saw puzzle smashing it up, putting it in a box and shaking it around... Then take away a piece of that puzzle. In the end, you may have most of what is going on, but you are still missing that one piece, the piece that will tie it all together. And, I think that for all of these years, I haven't been able to find that piece, until now. My father worked hard for his family, we never went hungry, we were never unhappy... He truly loved us. Mom never had to work, unless she wanted to. We had friends, we had a place to live.. I hated him for so long for the things he didn't provide, when I should have been loving and thanking him for the things that he did. My dad is a great man, and I couldn't think of a better guy to have as a parent.) 

But, back to the point in this post. 

You should learn to appreciate the things in your life, no matter how small they are. No matter how much you think you hate it, or what someone has not done for you. Remember the things they have done... Remember the things that you have. Think of all the wonderful times, don't dread on the bad. You'll grow old, and miserable. And before you know it, life will be over and it'll be to late. 

"Forgive, and forget." -As the Amish do. 

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She is truly a blessing.

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