I've been thinking a lot lately about depression and I am not quite sure if we all know what it means to be, depressed. The word is thrown around very often and used in many different ways, but normally has the same-ish meaning.... You just feel down?

Lets break down "Depression" for a moment, and look at what it means.
de-pres-sion

depression is a noun, and is defined as "feelings of severe despondency and dejection"
"self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns into depression"

Or, we have this: "A long and severe recession in an economy or market."
"the depression in the housing market"


Let me get off of point for a moment. In my life, recently, I have discovered that I have a problem, with myself. DEPRESSION! I can't figure out the reason, why would someone like me be so down all the time, what makes me depressed... No matter how hard I try to get out of it, I can't seem to get away. Its almost like a bad relationship with an abusive partner... I can't get away from it. The more and more I fight it the worse it gets. I can't stand feeling the way I do. I feel worthless, like I'm not needed, that my life has no meaning. As I have dug further into my life to find a solution, or at least a cause, I realize that I AM THE PROBLEM! My wonderful like that I thought I was having... wasn't what I thought. When I was 15, as EVERYONE knows... I became pregnant (I don't mean that in a way of like a disease, I mean, I am not supposed to have children... and BAM there is a baby... type of thing.) Before that I was a star in class, I shinned on field... I was competing in everything. I had everything ahead of me. Life just hit too fast. I wasn't ready for what I was being faced with.. All of a sudden at 16 I was the mother of a little boy, then by 17 I was a single mother to this child... I was pulled out of school... By 18 I was back in school competing and trying to juggle a normal teenage life with my motherhood life and trying to date at the same time while making good grades and having friends... Then, at 19 I was pregnant again. After that everything hit even harder and came at me faster. I was dealing with 2 children at the age of 20. Lost our apartment, living with Adams parents. Working full time and trying to get back in school..

There's no need for Jealousy

This is a quote that I found online today, and it simply summed up how I've been feeling lately, and after some time I realized that I had no reason for jealousy. By chance i found my boyfriend, but jealousy will not keep us together, trust will. I have to trust in him to make the right decisions. If I can't do that then there is no point in the relationship that we have. There is no point in the love that we share. Trust is what will keep you together, remember that. Jealousy is a sickness and it can go away, you just have to believe in yourself and be confident.... Just trust.

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. 

Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point 

- that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. 

There is only one alternative - self value. 

If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. 

You will always think it's a mistake or luck. 

Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within.

Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. 

Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. 

Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." 

~ Jennifer James

Good Night

GOOD NIGHT

As the night gets deep and dark,

Let your worries fade,

Let this night change your life,

And make it a better place.

Give you new hope,

And the love you need,

Let the stars shower you with joys,

And the moon bless you with peace.

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From: http://www.goodnightpoems.com/poem/1/

Forgive

I remember a post that I posted a while back, it's been almost two years now. I posted about how I was afraid I may just be dreaming, and that my life may not actually be what i think it is. How I was afraid to wake up and realize that, all the things I had always known weren't really there. 
I think about that post a lot, now. Knowing what I would lose haunts me. I have more now than I ever have and it would rip my heart out if I were to lose it. I love my children, and my boyfriend. I love my family, both of my families. I couldn't image a world in which none of them were in it, or even a world where only one was taken away. Life just would  no longer be complete. I dread the day that I will lose them, or they will lose me because I know how hard it will be. Life won't be the same, for any of us. 

(When i was younger i used to write quite a lot. The adults around me told me it was a 'gift' but, sometimes I think of it as a curse. I have to write everything down, or my head would probably explode. I have so much to say, but I can only speak so much. That's why I write. I've never been able to do much of anything else, I guess I get that from my father. He is a brilliant man, with a broad vocabulary and a gift for writing as well. I should thank him for that. Dad never gave me much, but what he did give me will empower me to be the best I can be. We strive for it all, and do not stop until we have reached our goals.. I think the family is what held dad back so much. I honestly do not remember him being around much when I was a child due to him working such long hours. He missed out on a great deal of my childhood and I believe he regrets that now. As much hell as I give him, I do still love him, I just.... I still blame him for the way life turned out. 

You have to understand that in the ind of a child, things are jumbled up quite a bit... It would be like taking a jig saw puzzle smashing it up, putting it in a box and shaking it around... Then take away a piece of that puzzle. In the end, you may have most of what is going on, but you are still missing that one piece, the piece that will tie it all together. And, I think that for all of these years, I haven't been able to find that piece, until now. My father worked hard for his family, we never went hungry, we were never unhappy... He truly loved us. Mom never had to work, unless she wanted to. We had friends, we had a place to live.. I hated him for so long for the things he didn't provide, when I should have been loving and thanking him for the things that he did. My dad is a great man, and I couldn't think of a better guy to have as a parent.) 

But, back to the point in this post. 

You should learn to appreciate the things in your life, no matter how small they are. No matter how much you think you hate it, or what someone has not done for you. Remember the things they have done... Remember the things that you have. Think of all the wonderful times, don't dread on the bad. You'll grow old, and miserable. And before you know it, life will be over and it'll be to late. 

"Forgive, and forget." -As the Amish do. 

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Thanks to all of you for your emails about Miss Olivia.

She is truly a blessing.

I love you all, Post soon!

:D

Olivia Virginia Stanley

Olivia Virginia Stanley,

Born May 9th 2013

Weight 6lbs 5oz

Length 18in

!!!!SHE'S HERE!!!!

So happy to be with my baby girl, she is simply AMAZING!!!

At first, she was easy to worry about, because she was so tiny, but she's doing wonderful now. 

When Olivia was born, she lost a lot of weight, she went down to 5'll and stayed there for quite some time it was hard for me when they told me I needed to quit breastfeeding because she wasn't getting the fatty protein she needed (come to find out it wasn't anything to do with my breast milk).

Olivia will be 4 months old in 10 days and I couldn't be more excited. She is now 10lbs 5oz and a wonderful giggling ROLLIE-POLLIE-OLLIE!!! :D

When i was younger, I always told myself I would never have any children. I didn't want any at all... Simply because of the way I was raised, I didn't want to put anyone through that, knowing what I did. But, now, I couldn't imagine my life without them. Michael is loving being a big brother and he is wonderful at it. 

SISSY BUG!! - Michael's nickname for her.

We love our little girl, I couldn't imagine what else could have ever completed our family... But she truly does complete my life. Just wanted to let everyone know that she is finally here!!!







As always, thanks to all of you who are reading this, I will post AS SOON AS I CAN!!!

EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES IN LIFE, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.

SOMETIMES GOOD PEOPLE MAKE BAD CHOICES. 

IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE BAD...

IT MEANS' THEY'RE HUMAN!

PCTC Graduation 2012

"A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step." ~ TAO-TZU

Sooo.... As you can all see, WE DID IT!!!

:D

This is Mrs Stovers PM/AM Graduating Clinical Class!!! 

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

After a hard year of work, our class finally made it! :) All of us.

Starting from the bottom left, working our way right and up we have;

Sarah Cain: My best friend, and a truly beautiful person. (The other adult student this year)

Brittany Yost: We had our problems, but she is a very optimistic young lady.

Brittany Davis: Brittany started mid year, and is very outspoken, but it will help her out tremendously in her life.

Lisa Elswick: When she started the school year, she was a very quiet young lady, but she grew to be a wonderful friend, and is pretty amazing once you get to know her.

Me, Kathryn Patton: (Nickname for the year, Kat P.) Left the school year as a part of NTHS, HOSA 2nd place winner, and graduated with a 3.75 GPA.

Marlee Bailey: God, the things I could say about Marlee!! :D She is a wonderful friend, and is a total class clown. But I love her, she's a great girl to hang out with and very outspoken, doesn't let anything stand in her way! I don't think I could have gotten through the school year without her! 

Last, but not least, 

Jami Vickers: She has the most beautiful head of hair, at the beginning I thought she was nothing but a goody too shoes! But, she's got her own corks! :) She lives a very full life, and is incredibly funny!! 

These girls were a great inspiration to me this year and I think God for them. 

When I started out the school year I was worried that I wouldn't make many friends, that I would sit in the front row and be a teachers pet, that no one would like me for it. But, coincidentally, I wasn't the only one! Sarah, who'm I met the first day, was also out to impress!!! She was so loud, and so funny that I couldn't help but cling to her as a mentor and a friend. She became like a second mother to me, that's something I needed. She showed me that life isn't about being what others expect you to be, it's about being who you want to be and letting yourself grow into what you were meant to be. 

As I have said before, I am, from the bottom of my heart, grateful for each and every one of the girls in my class this year. Thank you all for opening your hearts to me.

I love you all, and I hope that everyone has a beautifully wonderful life ahead of them!